So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
