I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your tits are I can't wait for
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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