What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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