atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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