She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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