I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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