I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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