no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
