If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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