i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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