i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
