New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
