My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They are going to name an STD after you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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