I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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