oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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