My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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