Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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