you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
