Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
