C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
