Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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