if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
