I'm lost and stupid without you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
