Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
