i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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