Are we in a gay sports bar?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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