the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
