I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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