oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
