dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
