It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
PANTIES FOUND
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