Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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