i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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