just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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