I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
