That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
