Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
