It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
