so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
