he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
