if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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