I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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