I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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