walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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