I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
