Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
