He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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