True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
