Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
