I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
