dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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