Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's shark week go big or go home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
