They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
