he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
