no, he came in my armpit
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
