o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
