You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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