I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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