he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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