You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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