There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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