It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
