fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
