Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need a beard to bite.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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