we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am available for nakedness
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
