I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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