Cold hands, warm shart.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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