it's like iHOP with fire
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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