hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
