idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
