Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
