the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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