Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
