Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
